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“Holding On and Letting Go”
Ephesians 4:25-5:2
A Sermon Preached by The Rev. Douglas M. Donley
Have you ever been really
upset? I mean really mad as heck and are
not going to take it anymore? I have
been. Truth be told, all of us have been
there, done that. This is especially
true for me when I know that I am right and the other person is wrong. This has happened amidst some of the regional
storms we have weathered. It’s really
easy to hang on to some anger for a good long time. There is a certain familiar comfort to
it. But it can be debilitating,
too.
My uncle doesn’t go to church
anymore. It’s because of a disagreement
with a pastor some thirty years ago.
Notices had gone out about a youth group series that was beginning. It was stressed over and over again that each
person needed to attend all the sessions, since the teachings built upon each
other. The mailings also made it clear
that if you didn’t attend the first session, you couldn’t attend the group for
that period of time. Well, my uncle’s
family had six kids and the chaotic nature of their lives made it so they did
not attend the first couple of sessions.
When he showed up for the third session with my cousins, he was told by
the minister that they couldn’t be a part of the group for this series, but
they were welcome back at the next series.
I don’t know the circumstances, whether the pastor paused to listen to
my uncle’s explanations, whether my uncle understood the thing about attending
all of the sessions. What I do know is
that he has harbored anger and resentment at the church ever since. This is an example of holding on for way too
long.
I hope none of us emulate this kind
of behavior.
There are things that we should hang
on to and things that we should let go of if we are to be healthy people. Think about when we dig in our heels because
we would rather not admit the kernel of truth that’s there amidst the
posturing. But how do we determine what
that is? That’s where today’s scripture
comes in.
This short passage offers sage advice for us as we struggle with our
own tendency to be in tension between holding on and letting go. The writer
starts out by saying that we are to speak the truth. “Putting away all falsehood let all of us
speak the truth to our neighbors.”
That’s easy enough so far. Hold
to the truth. Got it.
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and
do not make room for the devil. (that means if I harbor some anger at someone,
healthy relationship requires me to not let that sit, but honestly try to
confront and work out that anger, so that it doesn’t get the better of me, or
worse yet, so that I lose respect for the person I’m angry at.). Now it’s getting tougher
He doesn’t say don’t be angry. He says, be angry, but do not sin. Think about anger and sin. It is not a sin to be angry. In fact anger can help us to passionately address a situation. But the writer tells us to be not sinful in our anger. This is a taller order. How might we sin in our anger? We might demonize, belittle, fight and even kill in our unchecked anger. Be angry says the writer, but don’t sin. Don’t let it get the best of you. And don’t carry it over for more than one day. Now that takes a lot of discipline, and maybe a few sleepless nights. Think of the things we hang on to and the things we need to let go of in our lives. We can be so immobilized by anger that we can no longer do constructive work. Our anger can blind us. It can bind us, too. If we define sin as being in right relationship with God and humanity, then anger can certainly lead us to sin. Sometimes we are so full of seemingly righteous fury that it consumes us. If we let anger and fury consume us then it becomes our purpose. It becomes our god. What we do feeds the fury. We do not make friends and influence people so well this way. We are miserable to be around. If we are in the position to make policy out of spite or anger or rage, then pity the people on the receiving end. Or if we are the ones who are on the receiving end, then it is so easy for us to want to retaliate once again. It makes us mad in a mad world.
So how do we let go and how do we hang on to the passion without succumbing to the sinful attributes that accompany anger?
Bill Teska, the usual preacher at the Episcopal Parish of the Holy
Trinity and St. Anskar which meets in our building said it real well the other
day: “Truth without love is abusive and love without truth is
codependency.” Think about that
one. Truth without love is abusive. Love without truth is codependency.
What the writer of Ephesians is saying is that we can be angry and we
can be truthful, but we must speak the truth in love. That means speak it in such a way that the object
of the anger can hear it.
This might mean that we can’t speak about it in the heat of our
anger.
We might need to take a step back.
We might need to breathe.
We might need to pray.
This is a discipline that takes work.
I don’t like listening to some talk radio or some talk shows. The people yell at each other and talk over
each other and nothing happens constructive.
They might want to take a word of advice from Ephesians:
“Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only what is useful for
building up, as there is need, so that your words may give grace to those who
hear…Put away all bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander,
together with all malice, and be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving
one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children and live in love, as
Christ loved us and gave Christ’s self up for us, a fragrant offering and
sacrifice to God.”(Ephesians 4:25-5:2)
This can only be done if we hang on to and let go of the right
things.
The writer is saying that we need to let go of bitterness, wrath,
malice and the sinful results of anger.
We need to let go of the tendency to demonize.
We need to let go of our need to win.
We need to let go of our vengefulness.
But we need to do so without seeming like wimps.
That’s where the hanging on comes
in. There is something that we need to
hang on to as well. Think about the
things that we can hang on to when the going gets tough.
Janet Walton was my professor of
Worship at Union Theological seminary.
This radical Catholic nun had an incredible power to be prayerfully
centered in the midst of great odds. She
worked very hard on an international preaching conference. The liturgy was just right and the people
were arriving from all over the world.
She walked in to the room where the seminary choir was rehearsing for
the opening worship service and announced that someone had stolen the truck
that had all of the bulletins for the entire week’s events. Rather than railing against the machine of
crime and seeking punishment for the perpetrators, she simply smiled and said,
“the worship service will go on and we will make do.” I leaned over to my classmate and commented,
“so that’s how a person of prayer responds to a crisis. Maybe we should try this prayer thing,
too.” She chose to let go of the anger
and hang on to the real purpose for the conference.
We need to remember that God loves
us more passionately than we hate someone or someone’s actions.
We need to hold on to that power
from on high that can restore us to sanity.
We need to hang on to the force of
will that can remind us that even in the midst of grand injustice, that God has
already overcome the world; that the world is not the ultimate authority.
God is the ultimate authority
and we are called to live in obedient love-response to God. That’s what we need to hold on to: the love
of God which makes all things new.
Kim has recently been trained as a
Reiki master. Reiki is a Japanese method
of restoring balance to different parts of our body. Through a series of hand movements, a Reiki
master can help to reestablish energy flow throughout your body. Kim tells me that when we tense up or focus
on something so intently, our ki (or chi as the Chinese would say) can get out
of balance. Think about how anger can
become the focal point. All of our
body’s energy can be focused upon that.
It’s not a healthy way to be at all times. We need to reestablish or establish balance
if we are to live healthy lives and have healthy relationships. So if we find ways to let go of that which
impedes good chi, and hang on to balance, then we can be more productive. We can be not only more open to the presence
of God in our lives, but also the presence of God in our neighbor.
So, as the writer of Ephesians says,
we need to let go of the cynicism, the faithlessness, the laziness and unbelief
that surrounds such anger and wrath.
When we do that, our tendency is to be kind to one another, tenderhearted
and forgiving.
This tenderheartedness comes at the
other end of the struggle to not sin in our anger. As such it is much more powerful, much more
potent and much more life-giving.
Paul says we are to put away,
let go of bitterness and wrath and anger and wrangling and slander and
malice. We are to let go of all of
that. We are to hold on to kindness,
tenderheartedness, forgiveness. If we do
that, then we are imitators of God, living in love.
Now all of this sounds well and good.
But what about when life really throws a wrench at you?—When you have
really been abused; When you have been faithful and still get dumped; When you
have been the peace-seeker and fall the victim of the war-monger? This is when it gets real hard.
The only thing I can say in this
situation is that you must remember where your power comes from.
Never forget that you are loved by
God.
Never forget that a power greater
than ourselves can restore us to sanity.
Never forget that our actions and
even reactions are choices.
Never forget that you have a
community to fall back on.
Never forget that you have a
narrative with which to live your life—a perspective from which you derive your
power.
This morning’s Star Tribune ran a
story about the two young people who vandalized the
It may be very well impossible to
let go of your anger by sundown.
It’s really rather Pollyanna to
think we can put all of out anger in check by night time. Especially if something really major
happens. I don’t think this is what the
writer had in mind. We could never reach
such heights.
A better way to look at it might be:
Don’t go to bed without remembering
where your power comes from.
Don’t go to bed without remembering
you are loved by God
Don’t go to bed without remembering
we are not to be conformed to this world but rather we are to be transformed by
the renewing of our minds.
Let go of the things that make for
craziness, and hang on to sanity for dear life.
For when we do, we key in to that
great and awesome power at the very heart of God, who holds us tight and
promises to never, never, never let go.
May we have the wisdom, strength,
courage and faithfulness to hang on to and let go of the right things. In so doing, may we not only speak the truth
in love, but experience the Truth that is Love.